One ticket away from warmth, shelter, and a place to take a shit

That is the RTD

The Rough, Tough and Dangerous

The Hobo Express

All aboard the Mobile Detox

Public transportation that don’t discriminate

No matter if you’re in the middle of a fist fight or riddled with leprosy

All you’ll need is a dollar

Just sit back, kick off your sandals and crack that tall can of Schlitz

Enjoy that methadone

You’re on the Drunk Tank with six tires

The Porta-Potty on wheels

So when the park bench ain’t comfy and it’s getting cold

It’s time to grab your fifth and come get a lift

It’s the Danger Can

Moving condominiums for the poor and unfortunate

Public transport for criminals on foot

It’s where you go to get your urban basic training

Where scum of the earth pools

The birth place of hepatitis

The place to be when you don’t have a place to be

So come take a ride on the human cattle car

The white trash limousine

The haul-a-bum

The sticky seats metro

It’s the hood hauler

Roaming billboards fueled by the change in panhandler’s cups

The recovery room after abortions

General meeting grounds for NA

2012

What if I told you that the writing on the wall was true

The reputation intact

The phone number hard lined

And the K-Y jelly on tap

We have numbers on shitter walls

Ads in publications

Shit on Craigslist

And places we meet on wheels

We’re in rest stop restrooms

The Ritz Carlton

Underground clubs

A fucking Airstream found by GPS after a late night stop at a donut shop

We can hone in on the zone

Follow a script

Operate heavy duty devices

And find cheap motels off the Interstate equipped with 240 volt 3 prong outlets

If you want to tag along you better have an alibi

Cover your tracks

Be able to keep a secret

Know the safe word and protect yourself with a thick piece of Trojan latex

This shit ain’t for the weak of heart

The highly moral

The easily intimidated

Or for those who might crack, bleed or bruise easy

We’re out finding our kind one kink at a time

Down a dark alley with a glow stick

Parked at a glory hole

Or being humiliated till brought to a piss standing in a vat of corn beef hash

2016

Look at you becoming more beautiful with every sip

You’re a barstool beauty

Someone’s daughter, someone’s mother

And probably someone’s grandmother

Your pussy’s been blown in and out

So much so there ain’t even a taint

But last call is about to be shouted and the time for fucking around is over

Going to scoot you to the shitter when nobody’s looking

Scooby to the wall I’m gonna hunch you low and long over the unflushable

Watch your wrinkled ass bounce of my hips

Try to imagine I’m fucking something that doesn’t howl at the moon

Then pull out and decorate the seat

When we’re done I’ll take you back to your chair and let you rap about your bingo nights

Make you smile so I can count the teeth

Talk you into round two outside under a street light

Then scurry home and try to forget

2003

Arrived late smelling like a queef and a tic-tac fresh off a flight from Penang

Back in the land of sixteen hour days and motherfuckers who’ve never seen a passport

In my wallet I had every color of the rainbow but American green

Strapped holding no credit past my room and a plane ticket

No chance of a speedy check in at the hotel 69 near the old airport

Not even after a bogus shuttle ride and a long brisk late night walk through an industrial hell hole

I was young, alone, jet-lagged, and booked under an LLC out of Hong Kong on a school night

A life story was expected of me

After covering fifteen years I made it to my three day buffer

All I needed was some rest before tracking down some broad to play mommy

Being back among the familiar was a little unnerving

So was the hotel thinking no one eats past 11pm

The next morning started in the afternoon

Woke up harder than a rock five thousand miles away from the last place I was used to

Using up the last of my phone card checking in with the Orient

Then I caught a cab back to the airport

After money was straight I was on the hunt for dinner and a smoothie

Post escaping the north side of the highway after using public transportation

Once the forty ounce bottles of dog piss stopped hurling

I was back in the slew of hotel chain bars and 24 hour eateries

It didn’t take long for what I wanted to manifest

I chose a patio at a steak house where I had to ask a table of tools to join their circle jerk

Where the hawkers were hawking

As I arrived just in time to stick out my worm

She came out of a cloud of nicotine

And would have probably burnt me if it hadn’t been for the glow of her cigarette

Contributing to a minor with every drag

Buying me a steak dinner talking about she felt like a kid again

We got back to my room and found I forgot to hang the do-not-disturb on the door

Walked in and my Hustler was gone

Joke was on a broke midget living in a broom closet eating complementary crackers and chocolates

Because I wasn’t without a spread for long

I just needed to unwind freely before returning to the monotony

Away from all the attention and boring shit

To live free while I was still young

And to taste life from under Victoria’s secret to the grapes of central Chile

2016

I’m so low the fucking gutters are too good for me

My address is a vacant lot

When people call me by my real name, I don’t respond

Just another piece of shit

Before I walk out the door, I check the fucking streets

Never open mail that is addressed to me

If you owe me money you better make it cash

And meet me in a public place

Such a waste more people know me by an alias

My home is in public lockers and storage sheds

Just another asshole in a crowd of assholes

Someone different every week

Don’t lip off because I can remove yours without much recourse

I have a jump bag near the window

Seen more hotel rooms than room service

Spent more nights abroad

Street wise with a crystal ball and a fucking wizard’s hat

Passing down wisdom like Merlin

On the street taking a shit in a grocery bag

While traffic passes me by

2003

Where were we?

As I remember it I had just spit on your asshole and was about to get to know you better

You reaching out like a whore hailing a John

And got more than all three of your holes could swallow

I got off knowing you were a zinc deprived, wet brain, anorexic, sociopath, fuck slut

Fresh and free from the grips of mommy and daddy

Taking your psycho bitch act out on tour

Trying to walk all over me because some lowlife back home told you, you were pretty

The only place that got you was with me looking up your skirt

Slithering like a snake to his hole

Putting a smile on your puss

And a stain in your panties that will glow in the dark

So maybe I’m just the skid marks

Maybe if you classy’ed it up a bit and wore a thong you could floss me out

Beats having to go round two with a three week old, fifteen dollar, express, wax job pussy

You must not have had high expectations of our date

But now that I have you on your knees like a bed side urinal

I’m conjuring something up that’s mostly piss content

Not wanting to send you home dry

It’s going to be a stinger from the back of your throat to the ring around your asshole

2011